Thursday 19 April 2012
Something You Should Know
Hi again!!
I have 1 hour to update my blog. Simple as it can be. =) have a good Friday babies. With love, Adrene.
I do not smoke, never tried at once.
I don't do drugs.
I never been to a club before (most PROBABLY will for my 26th birthday SOON) just for my own experience.
I do not lepak until late night and come back the next morning
I have curfews and I don't mind about it
I do not cheat on the one I love
I am not perfect (so don't ever say that I am perfect in your eyes or segala ayat shakespears keluar) because I Am Not.
I trust completely but when my trust is gone, I'll be asking too many questions
I do my work with PRIDE and that's why bosses loves me (perasan)
I learned from my mistakes
I'll give too many lame excuses just so if I am not keen or Interested
I can be very very very nice and VERY MEAN at the same time, don't worry, I am not THAT mean though
I love to travel around the world, been travelling since I was small
I love perfumes, do you?
I hate instruction, stupid instruction, bad instruction or you know what I mean
I hate someone who is so pushy and repeat the same thing over and over again. (Yeah I do understand your language)
I don't have many friends, at least I know I have few that I can count on, ALWAYS
I don't go out that often, because staying home is just so me
I keep in touch with my friends via social network (sometimes I'll meet them) I still can't cope with my busy life (busy la sangat)
If I like someone, that particular someone will know or at least will get the hint
I am caring and friendly, so don't get me wrong if I care and being friendly to you.
I have this manja voice, and I do not fake it!
I tried so many times to sound professional, but it is just me to sound manja (nak buat macam mana) Clients loves my voice though.
I can't sing, that's why I am not in Akademi Fantasia -QA.
I love to go karaoking with my close friends.
I hate orang melayu yang pura-pura ada accent when they talk to me. Eventhough you fake it. Orang lain belajar luar negara tak ada pula nak buat-buat accent sangat. Yeah you don't have to impress me because you're fake! Hekleh malu cakap melayu ke?
I love asking for opinions
I am a very good listener
I love listening to my friends stories
I love to do presentation!!!
Used to love lawyers (ada kena mengena with presentation)
I hate pretenders
I hate silly jokes sometimes (jokes yang nak angkat bakul diri sendiri) Whatever.
I love to think, sometimes fikir benda yang tak sepatutnya
I want to get married by next year by hook or by cook =)
I love kids, so that rhymes
I love to eat, I enjoy food so very much
I love attention from those whom I LOVE.
I need space too sometimes
I need time to answer such difficult questions too
I forget easily
I remember things that only have impact in my life
I don't have photographic mind =( I wish I do
I wish to change to a better muslim, during this period, Ya ALLAH banyak sungguh dugaan
I want to be a good wife to my husband someday, so that I could teach my kids menjadi soleh and solehah
Oh people always thought that I am a very Outgoing person, social and etc base on their first impression. That's why there's quote saying 'Don't judge a book by it's cover'
Certain people who is very close to me will know how I am and No, I am not outgoing and social. It's just the way I have been brought up kot.
Oh yea, I am the only child to my parents, so you get the picture now?
Oh no, masa mencemburui kita, I have to go. Till then babies...
I love you all. =)
xoxo
I have 1 hour to update my blog. Simple as it can be. =) have a good Friday babies. With love, Adrene.
I do not smoke, never tried at once.
I don't do drugs.
I never been to a club before (most PROBABLY will for my 26th birthday SOON) just for my own experience.
I do not lepak until late night and come back the next morning
I have curfews and I don't mind about it
I do not cheat on the one I love
I am not perfect (so don't ever say that I am perfect in your eyes or segala ayat shakespears keluar) because I Am Not.
I trust completely but when my trust is gone, I'll be asking too many questions
I do my work with PRIDE and that's why bosses loves me (perasan)
I learned from my mistakes
I'll give too many lame excuses just so if I am not keen or Interested
I can be very very very nice and VERY MEAN at the same time, don't worry, I am not THAT mean though
I love to travel around the world, been travelling since I was small
I love perfumes, do you?
I hate instruction, stupid instruction, bad instruction or you know what I mean
I hate someone who is so pushy and repeat the same thing over and over again. (Yeah I do understand your language)
I don't have many friends, at least I know I have few that I can count on, ALWAYS
I don't go out that often, because staying home is just so me
I keep in touch with my friends via social network (sometimes I'll meet them) I still can't cope with my busy life (busy la sangat)
If I like someone, that particular someone will know or at least will get the hint
I am caring and friendly, so don't get me wrong if I care and being friendly to you.
I have this manja voice, and I do not fake it!
I tried so many times to sound professional, but it is just me to sound manja (nak buat macam mana) Clients loves my voice though.
I can't sing, that's why I am not in Akademi Fantasia -QA.
I love to go karaoking with my close friends.
I hate orang melayu yang pura-pura ada accent when they talk to me. Eventhough you fake it. Orang lain belajar luar negara tak ada pula nak buat-buat accent sangat. Yeah you don't have to impress me because you're fake! Hekleh malu cakap melayu ke?
I love asking for opinions
I am a very good listener
I love listening to my friends stories
I love to do presentation!!!
Used to love lawyers (ada kena mengena with presentation)
I hate pretenders
I hate silly jokes sometimes (jokes yang nak angkat bakul diri sendiri) Whatever.
I love to think, sometimes fikir benda yang tak sepatutnya
I want to get married by next year by hook or by cook =)
I love kids, so that rhymes
I love to eat, I enjoy food so very much
I love attention from those whom I LOVE.
I need space too sometimes
I need time to answer such difficult questions too
I forget easily
I remember things that only have impact in my life
I don't have photographic mind =( I wish I do
I wish to change to a better muslim, during this period, Ya ALLAH banyak sungguh dugaan
I want to be a good wife to my husband someday, so that I could teach my kids menjadi soleh and solehah
Oh people always thought that I am a very Outgoing person, social and etc base on their first impression. That's why there's quote saying 'Don't judge a book by it's cover'
Certain people who is very close to me will know how I am and No, I am not outgoing and social. It's just the way I have been brought up kot.
Oh yea, I am the only child to my parents, so you get the picture now?
Oh no, masa mencemburui kita, I have to go. Till then babies...
I love you all. =)
xoxo
Thursday 12 April 2012
Time Square with Cousins
Hi kawan kawan. I am extremely sorry that I seriously have no time to update my blog. Been busy. Jangan marah tau. A friend told me, if you want to have a blog you have to be super rajin to update your blog, jangan hangat ayam. Or whatever hangat it is. Im not that hangat ayam tapi tak ada time. Thought of updating my blog yesterday since its public holiday and I have more time, but can u believe it? My day was full with activities that when I came back home, terus mandi and sleep. Regardless from feeling sick due to PMS yesterday, I really had fun.
Seriously I am not a bombastic writer, tak perlu puji kata I am a good writer, it makes me want to laugh until my throat is out. No. Im just kidding of course. This is just for fun. So what to write? Happy or Sad story? (its annoying that I had to type using ipad) but for you all, I will.
Semalam it was cousins day out. We went out to time square to make Mirzan happy as he was all gloomy since his mommy passed away. Poor lil boy he was all excited and wokeup as early as 7am. (usually he will be up for school at 10am) then when the maid prepared nasi lemak for him, he only ate like 3 spoons of it and terus kenyang. Can you imagine how excited he was? Janji pukul 11am, but we reached at nenek at about 12++ as Arif told us there's traffic everywhere. (eleh padahal terbangun lambat) lol. So sampai at nenek's, funny part was, Mirzan was carrying a bagpack that contains towel, baju spare, plastic and a hat! Mirah was like 'u nak pergi mana Mirzan?' and he was like 'kak Adrene kata nak pergi Twin Park' and nenek sampuk and said 'jangan mandi lama-lama' and me Mirah and Arif looked at each other and laughed. They thought we're bringing Mirzan tu Sunway Lagoon, padahal Themepark Time Square yang tak seberapa tu je! Oh btw that Theme Park reminds me of Yazran. We went there with Alepadha, Sara and Syaza for our first officially day out as bf-gf. Those were the sweet old days. Anyways...
So we went to Time Square's Theme Park. Tak la best sangat tapi okla budak kecil tu enjoy. I didn't go for extreme rides, only ride the kiddis rides (flying bus, chuchu train, tunnel car, and the marry go round horse' yea I know :p don't want to spoil my day though. Jangan harap I nak naik roller-coaster tu semua, I am seriously not a fan of roller-coaster or anything that endup will make me izzydizzy and puke! Oh wait, I did went on the tower ride yang pusing-pusing tu. Ok memang pening and nak muntah but control. So my task is to babysit mirzan while my two other cousins enjoying themself. And I went on the bumper car with Mirzan, memang kena buli dengan Arif and Mirah. Asyik kena langgar as Mirzan doesn't know how to handle adult's bumper car! Kalau kid's bumper car dia la raja di atas jalan tu. Kaw kaw kena buli time I naik dengan Mirzan. He was like 'kakakkkkk kenapa kereta ni laju sangat' but it was fun. It was fun to make him happy. Then Arif decided to go for the haunted house! As you know, that's my all time fav part. Heh heh heh ^___^
Mirah doesnt want to join, as she told us dia lemah semangat. Since Arif nak masuk, Mirzan pun nak masuk. Time dekat entrance baru dengar briefing and rules to go in, Mirzan dah jerit nangis2 tak nak masuk! Geram I. There goes my RM9! I dont want to force him to go in, scared that he will faint. So I let him go and stay with mirah. Funny part was Arif was being supercute by holding, NO WAIT, he gripped my hand man!! Mcm nak patah tangan kanan I ni. Hahah and I had to go first and he was behind me. Thought he will protect me, but it's the other way round. I had to pull him so that he will walk, imagine dalam tu gelap, we hardly see anything except for the ghost yang cuba nak menakotkan kami yang tak la berapa takot mana. I was referinng to myself because others was shouting hysterically. Bo-ring! So there's one part where the ghost tiba-tiba appear and 'booo' us! Arif was stunned and screamed!! And everyone was screaming, and I was the only one laughing. Kelakar tengok Arif macho menjerit. Sakit juga my hand ok, dia pegang tangan I all the way. Then bila dah habis, Mirah n Mirzan waited for us at the entrance. And Mirah asked how was it, Arif macho was like 'alaaa tak takot pun, normal, nothing much, boringla kak' hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahah!! Layannnnnnn jela cousin cousin I ni. And i just laughed looking at my right hand turns red!! Lol i love them.
Then lepas dah puas Mirzan main which actually more on the kids bumper car, we decided to go home and have dinner. Bought Mirzan a mcd burger and we went makan at desa pandan. Then back to rumah nenek, lepak lepak kejap teman nenek. Then me and Mirah went out to buy dinner for nenek. Mee hailam as usual. Then singgah kedai buah, Mirah beli durian and I bought mangos for home. So back to nenek's. Lepak tunggu nenek habis makan ( i mengadap nenek makan while mirah tak habis with her boyfriend on the phone ) Arif ajar Mirzan Math. Yup have to ballance, main puas-puas then study study study! Lepas nenek makan, me and Mirah kemas-kemas and go back home at 9pm! Penat ok!
But we really do had lots of fun although its only 4 of us! Hoping that Nazreena, Eli and Ellysha could join us next time. Till then readers. <3 xoxo
Seriously I am not a bombastic writer, tak perlu puji kata I am a good writer, it makes me want to laugh until my throat is out. No. Im just kidding of course. This is just for fun. So what to write? Happy or Sad story? (its annoying that I had to type using ipad) but for you all, I will.
Semalam it was cousins day out. We went out to time square to make Mirzan happy as he was all gloomy since his mommy passed away. Poor lil boy he was all excited and wokeup as early as 7am. (usually he will be up for school at 10am) then when the maid prepared nasi lemak for him, he only ate like 3 spoons of it and terus kenyang. Can you imagine how excited he was? Janji pukul 11am, but we reached at nenek at about 12++ as Arif told us there's traffic everywhere. (eleh padahal terbangun lambat) lol. So sampai at nenek's, funny part was, Mirzan was carrying a bagpack that contains towel, baju spare, plastic and a hat! Mirah was like 'u nak pergi mana Mirzan?' and he was like 'kak Adrene kata nak pergi Twin Park' and nenek sampuk and said 'jangan mandi lama-lama' and me Mirah and Arif looked at each other and laughed. They thought we're bringing Mirzan tu Sunway Lagoon, padahal Themepark Time Square yang tak seberapa tu je! Oh btw that Theme Park reminds me of Yazran. We went there with Alepadha, Sara and Syaza for our first officially day out as bf-gf. Those were the sweet old days. Anyways...
So we went to Time Square's Theme Park. Tak la best sangat tapi okla budak kecil tu enjoy. I didn't go for extreme rides, only ride the kiddis rides (flying bus, chuchu train, tunnel car, and the marry go round horse' yea I know :p don't want to spoil my day though. Jangan harap I nak naik roller-coaster tu semua, I am seriously not a fan of roller-coaster or anything that endup will make me izzydizzy and puke! Oh wait, I did went on the tower ride yang pusing-pusing tu. Ok memang pening and nak muntah but control. So my task is to babysit mirzan while my two other cousins enjoying themself. And I went on the bumper car with Mirzan, memang kena buli dengan Arif and Mirah. Asyik kena langgar as Mirzan doesn't know how to handle adult's bumper car! Kalau kid's bumper car dia la raja di atas jalan tu. Kaw kaw kena buli time I naik dengan Mirzan. He was like 'kakakkkkk kenapa kereta ni laju sangat' but it was fun. It was fun to make him happy. Then Arif decided to go for the haunted house! As you know, that's my all time fav part. Heh heh heh ^___^
Mirah doesnt want to join, as she told us dia lemah semangat. Since Arif nak masuk, Mirzan pun nak masuk. Time dekat entrance baru dengar briefing and rules to go in, Mirzan dah jerit nangis2 tak nak masuk! Geram I. There goes my RM9! I dont want to force him to go in, scared that he will faint. So I let him go and stay with mirah. Funny part was Arif was being supercute by holding, NO WAIT, he gripped my hand man!! Mcm nak patah tangan kanan I ni. Hahah and I had to go first and he was behind me. Thought he will protect me, but it's the other way round. I had to pull him so that he will walk, imagine dalam tu gelap, we hardly see anything except for the ghost yang cuba nak menakotkan kami yang tak la berapa takot mana. I was referinng to myself because others was shouting hysterically. Bo-ring! So there's one part where the ghost tiba-tiba appear and 'booo' us! Arif was stunned and screamed!! And everyone was screaming, and I was the only one laughing. Kelakar tengok Arif macho menjerit. Sakit juga my hand ok, dia pegang tangan I all the way. Then bila dah habis, Mirah n Mirzan waited for us at the entrance. And Mirah asked how was it, Arif macho was like 'alaaa tak takot pun, normal, nothing much, boringla kak' hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahah!! Layannnnnnn jela cousin cousin I ni. And i just laughed looking at my right hand turns red!! Lol i love them.
Then lepas dah puas Mirzan main which actually more on the kids bumper car, we decided to go home and have dinner. Bought Mirzan a mcd burger and we went makan at desa pandan. Then back to rumah nenek, lepak lepak kejap teman nenek. Then me and Mirah went out to buy dinner for nenek. Mee hailam as usual. Then singgah kedai buah, Mirah beli durian and I bought mangos for home. So back to nenek's. Lepak tunggu nenek habis makan ( i mengadap nenek makan while mirah tak habis with her boyfriend on the phone ) Arif ajar Mirzan Math. Yup have to ballance, main puas-puas then study study study! Lepas nenek makan, me and Mirah kemas-kemas and go back home at 9pm! Penat ok!
But we really do had lots of fun although its only 4 of us! Hoping that Nazreena, Eli and Ellysha could join us next time. Till then readers. <3 xoxo
my memorylane =)
Friday 30 March 2012
Wednesday 28 March 2012
My dearest aunty
Tribute to Aunty Jan with love
3 days without you feels like forever. I miss you so much and I do not know who to share my sorrowness with. Luckily I have my blog.
Semasa didalam perjalanan ke HUKM, perasaan di dalam hati ni only God knows. I dont know why im being too emotional 2 days before you left us aunty. It is like I can really feel that you are going soon. But I did not expect that you're going the night after i visited you. Im sorry for crying in front of you, i've tried my best to be strong. but i could not help it. I know you're in pain. In real pain. In fact when i came to visit you in the evening, i know our time together is very limited and in fact...counting hours. Thats the reason i cried. I do not want to go home, but mungkin kuasa Tuhan, i sekeluarga balik and sempat took a short solid nap (because we're going to have a very long night) before got a call from Uncle zizi saying that all the family members has to be there.
Sampai HUKM that night i cant help myself feeling really really really sad and cried like a child and was asked to go out from her room. I sedih tengok dia tercungap-cungap. And all the wires lekat dekat her body, drips dekat leher and kaki sebab doctor tak boleh letak drips dekat tangan aunty dah :( and when u saw papa, all i can see is your tears and trying to say something to papa but you cant. Masa i berdiri beside you aunty, you stared at me and pandang atas. I know its your signal to me just so that i will tell everyone that you are leaving us soon. Yes aunty, i can see everything clearly but I was being in denial (some will know what i mean by saying 'i can see clearly') i tak nak you suffer but at the same time i dont want you to go. I am not ready.
I went out from your room, it's because i cant control my sadness anymore. Yes aunty i was crying outside alone, crying crying and crying. Tuhan tahu perasaan i time tu. I love you aunty. :( time duduk di luar sorang i tengok saja your room, sambil membaca ayat-ayat yang terlintas difikiran. Intan was there with me via bbm, suruh i bersabar dan redha. Thank you intan for being there when i need you. Tapi hati still tak nak terima kenyataan. I Hate to see you tercungap-cungap.
10pm : family members are all there with her. Membaca yassin and even her 9year old son, standing beside her, holding her hand, calling 'mama mama mama ma ma' i saw the way she griped her son's hand, he is always her remedy, the only reason why she stays strong all this while. Yes Mirzan is her strenght. I nampak machine pernafasan aunty from 120 terus naik ke 170 when u saw Mirzan came. :( i know you tried to fight, but you got tired and pernafasan aunty menurun balik, from 170-160-120-70... And it stays there :( bacaan yassin tetap diteruskan sambil papa memeluk aunty dan mirzan memegang tangan aunty dan aunty terus tercungap.
1130pm : doctor came and check. He told us, it's anytime soon.. I burst again while others is holding their tears. Mirzan still calls for her mom. 'mama mama mama i love you mama' and he cried. 'maaaa maaaa maaaa!!!' and uncle zizi bawa dia keluar from the room. I can see tears again from your eyes aunty. :( and mirah burst into tears too. We really love you aunty. I went to sit outside so that i boleh stay calm balik. I termenung again di luar, still thinking about our memories together. Masa I kecil sampai sekarang. I still keep the money that you gave me when I started to work in AIA. I will not use that money. I will keep it sampai bila-bila.Then I terfikir, last year we beli nasi ayam together, you nasihat kan I to get a good guy to be my hubby as you tak sempat to attend my wedding, and I said, 'no aunty kena kuat because you're going to be my wedding planner' and you just laughed and said 'Aunty dah tak larat Rene nak buat event semua, aunty tengok dari jauh la' and you laughed again :(
there's just too many memories with you. You have been the greatest aunty for me. I will not forget you. Definitely Not. And my mind recalls all the memories with you....until..
1210am - 25032012 - I was shocked. I saw a lil girl, cantik sangat, wearing dress keluar dari your room. She is so happy and was running and jumping out from your room, and she stops and turn back looking at your room and ran happily and jumping and hilang from my eyes. I asked my cousins if they see that lil girl. They said NO. I know something is not right and rush back to the room followed by my cousins, and saw everyone was crying. Machine pernafasan aunty dah 17 and then drop to 10 and 0. We all cried. Mirzan cried out loud 'maaaaaaaaaaa!!! maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! maaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!' and he was crying looking at his mom. Doctor came and check, no pulse. Innallilahi... dia pergi dalam pelukan papa. :( Cara aunty pergi sangat tenang. Sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat tenang. and that is 1220am. Al-fatihah
Then we family have to step outside as the nurses nak uruskan my aunty to bring her to bilik mayat. At the same time, all my uncles decided to uruskan everything in HUKM. Heard that nak mandikan jenazah and sembahyang will take place there too.
0120am - time berjalan ke arah bilik mayat, my mind keep on thinking who is the lil girl that I saw just now? Aunty masa kecil ke? Malaikat jemput aunty ke? Wallauhualam. I wish I know the answer. All I know is the girl is very very pretty and she is so happy. Sampai di bilik mayat, to be exact ruang menunggu, my dad came up to us and told us that they need 4 waris perempuan untuk mandikan mayat. Yan was the first one who said Yes, and right after that me and then aunty maslinda and aunty manja, I have no experience to mandikan mayat, but somehow, something triggered me to just mandikan my aunty.
0220am - Kami berempat dibawa ke bilik mayat sambil menolak my aunty, we all had to pass satu jalan yang sangat sunyi. I saw all the drawers contains dead bodies. Mulut tak lengkang baca doa. Dekat drawer mayat I can see they wrote 'kaki' 'tangan' and etc. Plus with one smell so kuat. (i didnt know that is bau mayat). Semua ayat suci I baca, Sampai la satu ruang, dimana they said that ruang is to mandikan mayat.
0300am - aunty dimandikan, I am so sad while holding you for the last time. I tried my best not to hurt you. I cuci slow-slow and so does everyone. Makcik yang lead us, asked us to be gentle. I hold your hand just like always. But this time, you can't hold me back :( I tried my best not to cry during the process. Muka aunty so tenang and you're smiling. I know you're in a better place now. I was with you sampai la aunty dikapankan, dipakaikan bedak serta minyak wangi. Sampai la aunty disembahyangkan dan diletakkan di dalam drawer yang banyak-banyak tu. :( it is sad to leave you. although it is only for 2 hours before your body will be brought back at nenek's. That's what you wanted aunty.
0400am : sampai rumah nenek, we saw nenek is still not sleeping yet. (nenek tinggal sorang at home) And everyone was asking why aren't she sleeping yet. She told us, 'mak pun tak tahu kenapa mata mak tak nak tutup, mak risau' and papa sat beside nenek, told her slowly that aunty dah pergi. Nenek cried tersedu-sedu. Nenek and aunty memang rapat. Time aunty sakit, aunty la selalu jaga nenek walaupun aunty tak berdaya. Pengorbanan aunty memang besar sangat. I know you are so worried about nenek and mirzan. But aunty they both are in good hands.
7am : jenazah selamat sampai dirumah nenek with uncle zizi and family.
8am : Ramai datang baca yassin untuk aunty, jiran-jiran nenek semua datang, your friends, family members. Sampailah upacara sembahyang jenazah.
1130am : last kisses from family. Everyone cried. Even I tried not to cry because the imam said dont let the tears kena jenazah. So i had to hold my tears. (it is really sad I tell you) My last goodbye to her is the hardest.
1pm : selamat dikebumikan :( papa, uncle zizi and uncle salleh went down to the liang lahad to place you gently down there. semuanya berjalan dengan lancar. alhamdullilah :( Mirzan was crying all the way. It is sad to see him crying. 9 years old and anak yatim.
Alhamdullilah everything is settled now and its been 3 days without you now. I miss you, probably will always will. This is really hard to get over. I know I should not be crying because this is what you want it to be. But I am really sorry, I can't accept the fact that you have to go, and It is time for you to leave us. After all these years, we had so many wonderful times together, tons of laughs and the memories constantly coming back to me. I miss you dearly Aunty Jan.Rest In Peace. =( Al-Fatihah
3 days without you feels like forever. I miss you so much and I do not know who to share my sorrowness with. Luckily I have my blog.
Semasa didalam perjalanan ke HUKM, perasaan di dalam hati ni only God knows. I dont know why im being too emotional 2 days before you left us aunty. It is like I can really feel that you are going soon. But I did not expect that you're going the night after i visited you. Im sorry for crying in front of you, i've tried my best to be strong. but i could not help it. I know you're in pain. In real pain. In fact when i came to visit you in the evening, i know our time together is very limited and in fact...counting hours. Thats the reason i cried. I do not want to go home, but mungkin kuasa Tuhan, i sekeluarga balik and sempat took a short solid nap (because we're going to have a very long night) before got a call from Uncle zizi saying that all the family members has to be there.
Sampai HUKM that night i cant help myself feeling really really really sad and cried like a child and was asked to go out from her room. I sedih tengok dia tercungap-cungap. And all the wires lekat dekat her body, drips dekat leher and kaki sebab doctor tak boleh letak drips dekat tangan aunty dah :( and when u saw papa, all i can see is your tears and trying to say something to papa but you cant. Masa i berdiri beside you aunty, you stared at me and pandang atas. I know its your signal to me just so that i will tell everyone that you are leaving us soon. Yes aunty, i can see everything clearly but I was being in denial (some will know what i mean by saying 'i can see clearly') i tak nak you suffer but at the same time i dont want you to go. I am not ready.
I went out from your room, it's because i cant control my sadness anymore. Yes aunty i was crying outside alone, crying crying and crying. Tuhan tahu perasaan i time tu. I love you aunty. :( time duduk di luar sorang i tengok saja your room, sambil membaca ayat-ayat yang terlintas difikiran. Intan was there with me via bbm, suruh i bersabar dan redha. Thank you intan for being there when i need you. Tapi hati still tak nak terima kenyataan. I Hate to see you tercungap-cungap.
10pm : family members are all there with her. Membaca yassin and even her 9year old son, standing beside her, holding her hand, calling 'mama mama mama ma ma' i saw the way she griped her son's hand, he is always her remedy, the only reason why she stays strong all this while. Yes Mirzan is her strenght. I nampak machine pernafasan aunty from 120 terus naik ke 170 when u saw Mirzan came. :( i know you tried to fight, but you got tired and pernafasan aunty menurun balik, from 170-160-120-70... And it stays there :( bacaan yassin tetap diteruskan sambil papa memeluk aunty dan mirzan memegang tangan aunty dan aunty terus tercungap.
1130pm : doctor came and check. He told us, it's anytime soon.. I burst again while others is holding their tears. Mirzan still calls for her mom. 'mama mama mama i love you mama' and he cried. 'maaaa maaaa maaaa!!!' and uncle zizi bawa dia keluar from the room. I can see tears again from your eyes aunty. :( and mirah burst into tears too. We really love you aunty. I went to sit outside so that i boleh stay calm balik. I termenung again di luar, still thinking about our memories together. Masa I kecil sampai sekarang. I still keep the money that you gave me when I started to work in AIA. I will not use that money. I will keep it sampai bila-bila.Then I terfikir, last year we beli nasi ayam together, you nasihat kan I to get a good guy to be my hubby as you tak sempat to attend my wedding, and I said, 'no aunty kena kuat because you're going to be my wedding planner' and you just laughed and said 'Aunty dah tak larat Rene nak buat event semua, aunty tengok dari jauh la' and you laughed again :(
there's just too many memories with you. You have been the greatest aunty for me. I will not forget you. Definitely Not. And my mind recalls all the memories with you....until..
1210am - 25032012 - I was shocked. I saw a lil girl, cantik sangat, wearing dress keluar dari your room. She is so happy and was running and jumping out from your room, and she stops and turn back looking at your room and ran happily and jumping and hilang from my eyes. I asked my cousins if they see that lil girl. They said NO. I know something is not right and rush back to the room followed by my cousins, and saw everyone was crying. Machine pernafasan aunty dah 17 and then drop to 10 and 0. We all cried. Mirzan cried out loud 'maaaaaaaaaaa!!! maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! maaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!' and he was crying looking at his mom. Doctor came and check, no pulse. Innallilahi... dia pergi dalam pelukan papa. :( Cara aunty pergi sangat tenang. Sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat tenang. and that is 1220am. Al-fatihah
Then we family have to step outside as the nurses nak uruskan my aunty to bring her to bilik mayat. At the same time, all my uncles decided to uruskan everything in HUKM. Heard that nak mandikan jenazah and sembahyang will take place there too.
0120am - time berjalan ke arah bilik mayat, my mind keep on thinking who is the lil girl that I saw just now? Aunty masa kecil ke? Malaikat jemput aunty ke? Wallauhualam. I wish I know the answer. All I know is the girl is very very pretty and she is so happy. Sampai di bilik mayat, to be exact ruang menunggu, my dad came up to us and told us that they need 4 waris perempuan untuk mandikan mayat. Yan was the first one who said Yes, and right after that me and then aunty maslinda and aunty manja, I have no experience to mandikan mayat, but somehow, something triggered me to just mandikan my aunty.
0220am - Kami berempat dibawa ke bilik mayat sambil menolak my aunty, we all had to pass satu jalan yang sangat sunyi. I saw all the drawers contains dead bodies. Mulut tak lengkang baca doa. Dekat drawer mayat I can see they wrote 'kaki' 'tangan' and etc. Plus with one smell so kuat. (i didnt know that is bau mayat). Semua ayat suci I baca, Sampai la satu ruang, dimana they said that ruang is to mandikan mayat.
0300am - aunty dimandikan, I am so sad while holding you for the last time. I tried my best not to hurt you. I cuci slow-slow and so does everyone. Makcik yang lead us, asked us to be gentle. I hold your hand just like always. But this time, you can't hold me back :( I tried my best not to cry during the process. Muka aunty so tenang and you're smiling. I know you're in a better place now. I was with you sampai la aunty dikapankan, dipakaikan bedak serta minyak wangi. Sampai la aunty disembahyangkan dan diletakkan di dalam drawer yang banyak-banyak tu. :( it is sad to leave you. although it is only for 2 hours before your body will be brought back at nenek's. That's what you wanted aunty.
0400am : sampai rumah nenek, we saw nenek is still not sleeping yet. (nenek tinggal sorang at home) And everyone was asking why aren't she sleeping yet. She told us, 'mak pun tak tahu kenapa mata mak tak nak tutup, mak risau' and papa sat beside nenek, told her slowly that aunty dah pergi. Nenek cried tersedu-sedu. Nenek and aunty memang rapat. Time aunty sakit, aunty la selalu jaga nenek walaupun aunty tak berdaya. Pengorbanan aunty memang besar sangat. I know you are so worried about nenek and mirzan. But aunty they both are in good hands.
7am : jenazah selamat sampai dirumah nenek with uncle zizi and family.
8am : Ramai datang baca yassin untuk aunty, jiran-jiran nenek semua datang, your friends, family members. Sampailah upacara sembahyang jenazah.
1130am : last kisses from family. Everyone cried. Even I tried not to cry because the imam said dont let the tears kena jenazah. So i had to hold my tears. (it is really sad I tell you) My last goodbye to her is the hardest.
1pm : selamat dikebumikan :( papa, uncle zizi and uncle salleh went down to the liang lahad to place you gently down there. semuanya berjalan dengan lancar. alhamdullilah :( Mirzan was crying all the way. It is sad to see him crying. 9 years old and anak yatim.
Alhamdullilah everything is settled now and its been 3 days without you now. I miss you, probably will always will. This is really hard to get over. I know I should not be crying because this is what you want it to be. But I am really sorry, I can't accept the fact that you have to go, and It is time for you to leave us. After all these years, we had so many wonderful times together, tons of laughs and the memories constantly coming back to me. I miss you dearly Aunty Jan.Rest In Peace. =( Al-Fatihah
My Introduction
I am not a writer. I do not write very well. My writings are simple and oftentimes short. But each contains stories about me that I would love to share. My own Journey. So if you take a little time to read my post. Maybe. Just maybe. You will get to know me. By then you will understand my life.
My cousin often tells me that I really have to open up to people, get to know new people, hangout with them and enough with being so mysterious. Well, this will be a good idea by starting of with owning a blog. I dedicate my blog just for you cousin. You know who you are. Thank you for all the guidance, help and time. I appreciate it much and hope you will be happy as I will be happy too.
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